One characteristic of a psychotic sociopath that can cause a lot of laughs of black humor is the overwhelming “I’m the greatest!” attitude: Donald Jackass Trump has it in spades, as a post on his Truth Social account and accompanying mockup of a Time cover with him smiling with a crown on his head shows. (His general mental aberration was properly diagnosed by a competent panel of mental health professionals long ago, by the way, and is also an affliction in most of the fascist sycophants like Elon Muskrat who support him.) It’s the only way a sane person can understand why the jackass wants to appear alongside the other four presidents on Mt. Rushmore: George and Thomas, the plantation owners who were slaveowners, a crime against humanity never excused by their fight against British rule (which I’d much rather have here now considering the fascist takeover of the US—our country would be better off now as provinces of Canada!); the old monocled asshole Teddy, the fascist imperialist of yore who stole more real estate than McKinley or Trump, including Panama (and not just the canal—ask any Colombian!); and finally old Abe, who maybe justifiably deluded himself into thinking his policies would save the nation but not finishing the job he started (hard to do it from the grave), and, if so, leaving us saddled with his inept Republican Party whose carpetbaggers created chaos, their exploitations eventually leading to today’s racist Fascist Party of America (FPA).
In other words, maybe Ronald McDonald (because of his McD’s fat butt that so charmed RFK Jr!) is justified in thinking he belongs on Mr. Rushmore along with some of American history’s infamous assholes sculpted in stone there because he already holds the title of being the nation’s worst president as jackass version 1.0 and is on schedule to become even worse as jackass version 2.0.
Of course, there’s the artistic problem: Borglum was a sculptor, i.e. an artist, and art and the jackass don’t mix well The jackass proved that by naming himself director of the Kennedy Center and then firing the whole governing board. You can bet he’ll rename that art center to something like Trump and Stormy’s Porn Review or something equally appropriate. That’s all easy to do compared to destroying Mr. Rushmore.
How do you even capture that practiced sneering and imperious scowl (the jackass must spend a lot of time in front of a mirror), that three-ply hairdo used to cover up his balding pate, and that skin color that has earned him the moniker “orange devil.” Okay, maybe that Mussolini-like scowl (he’s too much the “fucking moron” to pretend he’s Hitler…or Putin) could be easy enough to duplicate for any wannabe modern Michelangelo who scales Rushmore. The hair could be made from more of those paper towel rolls he tossed out to the crowd in Puerto Rico as a huge insult after that hurricane. (He learned to exploit and hate Latinos as an NYC real estate mogul, which explains his desire to grab Canada, Greenland, and the Panama Canal.) This will appropriately represent all the other environmental disasters the jackass is now creating, but the rolls would soon disappear and reveal the baldness that matches his character. (Baldness, not boldness—no typo there! He has the courage of a cow pie!) That characteristic orange color can come from the floor of a pig stye—he loves to root around with other fascist pigs, after all, including Putin. (Yes, you jackass, Putin’s the real dictator, not Zelenskyy! Even Murdoch’s toadies at the New York Post admitted that, and one of his many FPA sycophants in Congress said that “Putin makes Daumer look like Mother Teresa”! What an insulting and “fucking moron” you are, Donald Jackass Trump!)
But back to Mt. Rushmore: Maybe the jackass’s best bet is to have some hack-sculptor (or a committee of fascist sculptors to get it done before he dies?) change the four presidents already there into a quartet of Ronald McDonald Trumps. After all, that monument is in South Dakota, once the home of Kristi Noem, that infamous dog-killer who’s now DHS secretary wanting to kill immigrants .The mountain could then represent all those poor fascist pigs who follow him because they believe that Trump deserves to be fuehrer of the FPA. (Of course, Kristi wants to inherit that job, but the Muskrat, J. Done-Nothing, and other slimy fascists close to the “fucking moron” might stand in her way! After all, maybe she only knows how to kill dogs, not immigrants or pigs?)